


It Was Always You (Mini Series)

by underthedesertstars



Category: Josh Hutcherson - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:45:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4352906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underthedesertstars/pseuds/underthedesertstars





	1. Chapter 1

_Okay, time to sleep and forget_ , I thought to myself. It was easier said than done. My mind couldn’t stop thinking about Clapton. Why was it that one person who annoyed you for years, suddenly be someone you couldn’t stop thinking about? I literally ate my own words when I said I would never fall for someone like him.  

He was all I could think about when we almost had the same classes together. When I started my freshmen year, he was always at least in one class of mine. Ever since then, he joined a fraternity and his attitude was a turn off. Of course all the girls wanted to be with Clapton here and there. His fraternity was notorious for hooking up with girls, and his buddies would always ask loudly in the hallways about his hookup from the night before. At first it was annoying, but then it made me stop and think about what kind of person he really was in bed.

A guy like Clapton only crosses your path once. At first, I didn’t’ want to get to know him. Now that school is coming to a close and our graduation was around the corner, I had to step it up. The whole semester, I did as much as I could to get close to him. I would try to sit by him and he would take notice, casually talking to me and asking me how my weekend went. Even though it was nice to have his attention, it was always taken away shortly by one of his frat brothers that sat next to him.

Every time he looked at me, I felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest. During our freshmen year, he had a shaggy kind of hair style. Now it was kind of buzz cut on the sides and very up to date. His hazel eyes sure were something. I have never seen how much they could change with each mood. When we would talk, they looked like the color of the forest. The green resembled the color of pine trees while the amber reminded me of the sunrise. Although his jaw made him look like a manly man, the freckles that ran along his cheeks gave him the look of a shy boy. Overall, he was beautiful. Someone who I wish I could call mine. I was foolish to think that what could have been. It was simply too late.

~~~

As I headed to class, my friend Melissa caught up to me.

“Hey, Leila!”

“Hey, Melissa. What’s up?”

“I wanted to ask you for a favor.” I hoped it wasn’t anything outrageous.

“As long as I am alive and kicking the next day, sure. What is it?”

“I was wondering if you’d like to come to the Spring bash Kappa Sigma is throwing this Friday,” she said excitedly.

Fuck, that was Clapton’s fraternity. Melissa saw how pale I got and asked me if I was okay.

“I don’t know if I can. I want to finish my psych paper,” I said with a stutter.

“Please? My roommate can’t go and I want to go to support my boyfriend too. I’m going to be such a loner and since he’ll be with his friends majority of the time, I’m going to need someone to talk to. Please?” she pouted.

She gave me her puppy look and I rolled my eyes and gave in. “Fine, fine. I’ll go.”

“Eeep!!! Thank you so much!! I owe you!” she shrieked and threw her arms around my shoulders for a hug.

“If I get bored, I’m going home,” I told her.

“That’s fine. Then I’ll go with you and see him in the morning if he’s not hung over.”

I smiled and we walked to our class while we discussed on what we could wear. When we reached the classroom, Clapton was there with her boyfriend.

“Hey, baby!” Melissa greeted and they kissed each other in front of us. We made eye contact for a few seconds and it was awkward so I looked away.

“Hey, Leila,” he greeted.

“Hey, Clapton.” Could my voice get any smaller?

He was going to say something else, but our professor arrived to open the door. All the students walked in and took their seats. I followed Melissa and sat next to her, minding my own business and pulling out my notebook. To my surprise, Clapton sat right next to me and placed his backpack on the table. I could feel my face burning and Melissa took notice.

“Talk to him,” she encouraged. I glared at her, and then I heard Clapton clear his voice.

“So, how is your paper going?” he asked me.

“Pretty good, I just have three pages to do. Then I need someone read through it,” I said.

“What’s it on?” he wondered.

I was about to tell him the subject of my paper until the professor cleared his throat. He announced a pop quiz and everyone groaned. I was prepared and Clapton was too, a smile spreading across his face as he reached for his pencil.

Something about him was off today, but I wasn’t complaining. After our quiz, we would go on about our lesson and did group activities. Our whole row was a group and we were doing very well. Throughout our discussion, Clapton was always agreeing with my thoughts and when he would talk, he’d have his eyes on me.

“Girl, what are you doing?” Melissa asked me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said defensively.

“How did you get Clapton wrapped around your finger like that?”

My cheeks began to turn pink and that’s when the professor called for our attention.

“I didn’t do anything nor is he wrapped around my finger.”

During the last fifteen minutes, he kept on talking and then it was finally time to go. I put everything away in my backpack and pulled out my phone from the front pocket. Melissa left with her man and I was the last one from our row to leave along with Clapton.

“Well, only four more days until the weekend,” he said randomly.

“Yeah, and you have that Spring Bash, huh?” I asked.

“How did you know about that?”

“Melissa asked me to go with her. I’m not into the party scene and maybe I shouldn’t go.”

“No, please come! I’ll be there and I promise it will be a lot of fun,” he smiled.

Before I could answer, he pulled out his phone so I could put my contact information. “Here, so we can keep in touch between now and then.”

I couldn’t fight the urge and put in my information. He said he would call me later on tonight and he did. Surprisingly, we had a lot in common and he had his ways to make me laugh. We talked for hours until I had to cut him off because of my early class tomorrow.

“So I’ll see you Wednesday?” he asked for reassurance.

“I’ll see you then.”

~~~

When Friday afternoon rolled around, I was starting to get anxious. Melissa was over and brought a few tops that I could possibly wear. All of them were revealing and I was mortified. However, she wouldn’t let me step out without choosing one. She did my hair and makeup before she did her own and we were off to the party.

There were a bunch of people outside their frat house. Other brothers, girls, and friends were pouring from the house. I was hesitant when I saw a few guys eye me up and down, but Melissa dragged me in.

“Come on! Let’s find your man!” Melissa yelled over the loud music.

“He’s not my man!”

We walked through the living room with no sign of Clapton or Fernando. Then when we got to the kitchen, they were both talking to other guys with beers in hand. Melissa let go of my hand and then went into her boyfriend’s arms. I stood there awkwardly until Clapton came over.

“Leila! You made it,” he said and gave me a hug.

“Yeah, I did,” I said as I hugged him back. It felt good that he was hugging me. It was the first time that he’s ever done that and I always dreamed about this moment. His outfit was on point too, a casual form fitting t-shirt with some dark washed skinny jeans.

“Do you want something to drink? Soda, water, beer?” he asked.

“A beer please.”

We walked to the cooler and he opened the cap before handing it to me. It tasted delicious and it was better than being inside. The sticky air and the smell of weed got to me and I couldn’t handle it.

“I’m glad you came,” Clapton said.

“Me too, I had my doubts but I’m glad I came in the end.”

There was a small spark that was lit between us and it felt good. I didn’t know how many drinks I had, but once it got dark, I let go. Clapton and I made our way inside the house and began to dance around. It was dark and the black lights came on. The music that blared from the speakers, were flashbacks from the late 90s and early 2000. Everyone got rowdy and then he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close to him.

I could smell the beer on his breath and my skin began to tingle. At first, I was intimidated, but I pushed through and let myself enjoy being in his strong arms. His hands were gripping my waist and he bit down on his lip, as if he wanted to make some kind of move. My subconscious in the back of my mind began to talk; I pulled back and then removed his hands from me. He looked upset and did his best to hide it from me.

“Can we get some water?” I yelled over the music.

He nodded and then held my hand as we walked into the kitchen. I leaned against the counter, and then decided to sit on top of it. Clapton turned around and handed me a cold water bottle. I took a big gulp and it cooled me down from the all the dancing.

“Feeling better?” he wondered.

“Yeah, it was getting stuffy out there,” I slurred as I settled the bottle beside me. 

We were so completely out of it and he would lean in between my legs. The alcohol in my system made me brave and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

“I really like you,” I boldly stated.

“You do?” he teased. I nodded and then giggled.

“Well, guess what? I like you too.”

My cheeks burned and we were both licking our lips. We couldn’t hold back anymore and then his lips captured mine. The kiss was smoldering, practically warming me up from the inside. My hands dropped down to his waist and lifted the hem of his shirt a bit to feel his skin.

“Leila,” he warned me with a stutter.

“What? I just want to touch you,” I muttered. My body temperature was rising when I felt him do the same thing with my skin.

“But I want to do more than just touch you,” he murmured and began to pepper kisses along my jaw.

“Then why don’t you?” I gasped when he began to kiss my sweet spot on my neck.

“Because…I don’t want to ruin this.”

His head lifted up and looked straight into my eyes. The hazel color was so hypnotizing and they looked greener than earlier. Something in the way that he kissed and touched me said it all. I didn’t want to ruin this either, but I could feel the sexual tension between us. My hand ran down his chest and cupped him over his pants. No one was watching us, it was our intimate moment in our bubble. I could feel him starting to get hard and I let go.

“Please, one night. That’s all I ask, Clapton. Please,” I begged him.

He kissed me a little harder than he did earlier, feeling his lips molding against mine and wanting to go beyond. With a cute smirk of his, he helped me off the counter and walked through the dancing crowd and headed upstairs.

~~~

We were both stumbling into the bathroom naked. It was a good thing that he had a bathroom in his room, or it would’ve been awkward walking to one. He walked in and turned the water on to the warmest level. I couldn’t help but giggle as he pulled me in and let the water run down over us. I had the best sex in a long time and it was fate that he had one last condom in his nightstand. He was so gentle and loving, but rough at the same time.

“You know, I always wondered if you were kinky and you proved me right,” he slurred.

“Well, I thought about how you were in bed too. I was kind of jealous of all those girls you hooked up with,” I admitted.

“Oh really? I’ll admit that they are nothing compared to you,” he chuckled.

Before I could say anything, he captured my lips once more and hushed me with a kiss. His kisses were so sensual and slow, almost as if they slowed time down. The next thing I knew, he had me pinned against the wall and the hunger was there once again. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and he picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He would grind against me a bit and would whimper every time his shaft came into contact with my swollen clit.

“I need you again, baby,” he groaned into my ear.

“I need you too,” I replied softly. “Take me.”

“I don’t have a condom,” he stuttered.

“It’s okay. Just…pull out but please, please.” I sounded so needy, but I didn’t care. Something in the way that I was feeling was too overwhelming. I may have been drunk, but I was serious when I told him that.

Without another word said, he pushed inside me and it made me moan loudly. His nails dug at my skin on the back of my thighs, but I didn’t care, it felt good. Feeling him now was just as good as when we did it earlier, maybe even better.

“God, Leila. You feel so fucking amazing,” he moaned. His hips would thrust ever so slowly, allowing my body to get used to him.

“Keep going,” I urged him.

With every thrust, my back would rub against the wet tile of the shower. Our moans echoed a lot louder in the enclosed space. The good thing was that no one could hear us since the music still blared through the walls. Clapton kept it at a steady pace, feeling every inch of him entering me. I was a little scared that everything would be too slippery, so I held on tightly. My fingernails clawed his back and dug into his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized when I heard him hiss.

“It feels good,” he grunted.

Feeling our bodies connect this way made it feel so special. I knew deep down that he wanted me, it was inevitable. I had dreams of what it would be like being with him, and it was finally happening. Clapton began to move a bit faster, causing me to yelp a bit loud.

“I’m going to come, baby,” he whimpered.

The sounds he made were enough to send my brain into overdrive. My walls began to clench all around him and I could feel him twitch inside me. Quickly, he placed me on my feet, holding me up with one arm so I wouldn’t fall over and jerking off with the other. He came all over my lower stomach and some of his essence landed on my thigh. We were both breathing hard and he began to chuckle.

“Mmm, finally a dream came true.” He held my face and began to kiss me under the shower head. The water was warm, but it felt cool against my flushed cheeks.

We made attempted to wash up a bit, but since we were too buzzed, we half assed it and decided to sleep. Crawling into his bed made me giggle a bit and he pulled me close to him before turning off the light.

“Did you wanted this as much as I did?” I asked him sleepily.

“Very much, Leila. You have no idea how much.”

My eyes closed and I passed out in his arms. At that moment, I didn’t care about anything. All that mattered was the man beside me.

~~~

The sun that beamed through the blindfolds woke me up. It was much too bright and I tried to shut my eyes tightly, then eventually covering myself with the sheet. When I felt the presence of a body next to me, my eyes opened widely and I uncovered my face.

Clapton was sleeping beside me, looking peaceful as ever. One hand was under his head while the other lay across his stomach. The sheet was hung low on his hips, giving me a hint of what his happy trail led to. My mind kept reeling one thought after another, even though my head was throbbing in pain. I had very little recollection of what happened last night. All I could remember was us being outside, dancing, and him kissing me the first time. I felt horrible; our moment was something that I wanted to remember, not something I can barely make out.

I gently got off the bed and began to search for my clothes. My shirt was tossed in the direction of his desk, my panties and shorts were near the foot of the bed. He didn’t budge but he had a small smile forming on his lips. In a way, it was kind of painful to leave without a trace. I gathered my hair and put in a ponytail with an elastic hair tie that I had around my wrist. My keys were still in my pocket and I quietly exited my room.

As I walked to my car, I began to tear up. Here I was, doing the walk of shame and never in a million years did I think I would ever do this. I wasn’t the kind of girl to be doing these kinds of things, but it happened. I was dreading Monday morning, maybe skipping class for a day wouldn’t be so bad.

I arrived home and went straight to my room. My bed was a comforting place and I cried into my pillow. I liked Clapton a lot and I wanted him, I just didn’t want to earn him the way I did last night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Clapton’s POV  
**

I woke up with a jolt and sat up. The spot beside me was now cold and Leila was nowhere to be found. Her clothes that I ripped off her, were no longer scattered on the floor. The light was too bright and my head was pounding with regret. She was gone, left without saying goodbye. I stumbled out of bed and tried to find some underwear and sweatpants. My phone was buried deep in the pocket of my jeans, and I scrolled through it to find her number. To my disappointment, she didn’t answer.

 _Maybe it was too early_ , I thought to myself. It was 11:45 AM and I assumed she was sleeping off the hangover. Then around four, I called her again and left her a voice message on top of my three text messages that I sent her. I was getting worried and I wanted to see her. We spent the most wonderful night together and I wished she stayed.

Ever since I could remember, Leila always caught my eye. She was so focused on her studies since freshmen year to catch me looking at her. After I joined the fraternity, I got tired of waiting around and decided to have fun like all college guys. However, she never left my mind. She was always there and as each semester went by, she blossomed to such a beautiful person. I wanted her to give me a chance, but she was too shy to even look my way. I was surprised that she told me how she felt about me last night, but then again, alcohol can make you do and say things that weren’t meant to be out in the open.

She didn’t call me back, nor did she answer her phone the following day. I was getting worried, but maybe when we would see each other in class, we could talk. All I could think about over the weekend was us being together, how good she felt against me. It was incomparable and it had the right amount of innocence and sensuality. I craved her soft skin, her plush lips, and her curves that got my dick hard just thinking about them. My anxiety didn’t die down when I went to bed, but I had to stay positive and hoped that things wouldn’t be awkward between us. That was the last thing I wanted.

~~~

The following day, I was excited to go to class. I was going to get to see Leila, to see that smile that radiated her sweetness. I took a seat away from Melissa and waited for Leila to walk in, but she never did. Even Melissa said it was odd for her to miss class since she always made an effort to show up, even when she had a cold. Something was off and I felt horrible that I couldn’t get a hold of her.

“Has she answered you?” I asked Melissa while we did another group activity.

“No, she hasn’t answered. I tried calling her all weekend and she hasn’t answered. I even went to her grandparents’ house to see her, but they said she wasn’t home- even though her car was there,” she sighed.

“She’ll probably come to class Wednesday,” I said.

“Hopefully. I just want to know if she’s okay.”

Throughout class, I couldn’t help but wonder about Leila. I even sneaked in a text to her, and no response. After the lecture was over, I wanted to ask Melissa where she lived or find another way to reach out to her.

“Clapton, I don’t know what happened between you two, but I would wait this out. I know Leila; if she’s drowning out everyone else, something happened to her emotionally. She’s strong, she’ll get through it,” she assured me.

“Yeah, Clapton. Just wait until Wednesday,” Fernando butted in.

He was right- she had to show up eventually to class. The problem was that even if she were to show up, I wouldn’t know how to start the conversation. I waited around after my second class of the day, in hopes of finding her around so we could talk. Much to my luck, she wasn’t around. Before I went back home, I sent her a text, but I got silence on her side. I gave up and had no choice but to go home.

I did everything to distract myself and not think about Leila. I worked on my paper and studied a bit before going out and getting something to eat. My friends asked me if I wanted to go out, but I declined and lied to them saying that I wasn’t feeling so great. I lay in bed, letting her consume my thoughts. I did my best to try to remember that night, but it was blurry.

There were a few things that I did remember. We were outside talking and having a good time as we told stories and joked around. Then we had more to drink and went inside, feeling her grind against me as we danced. The moment when we went to the kitchen, I remembered wanting more than I could have. When she told me she wanted a night with me, I had my doubts. I didn’t want her to regret any of this. My cock, however, didn’t cooperate and the way she told me she needed me- god, I couldn’t say no. After that, it was history. From what I could recall, she felt so good around me- just like how I wondered. Her plush lips kissing me and telling me how good I felt inside her. It simply felt like a dream come true.

The feeling got to me quickly and I began to feel hard. I pulled my sweats down mid thigh and began to touch myself. Leila stroked me a few times before climbing on top of her. If only she kept it up, I would’ve gotten the best hand job ever. I did my best to go back to that night when I was pushing in and out of her. My breathing hitched, and I could feel the skin on my chest flush. One hand ran up and down my shaft while the other fondled my balls. I wished she were here with me. My body was craving her and I knew that if she were here, I’d make her mine over and over again.

My cock began to twitch and I moved a little faster. The faster I went, the more I thought of her sweet moans in my ear and how wet she was. With one final jerk, I came all over my hand and lower stomach. I rode at my orgasm, imaging her tight walls clenching me over and over again. I got up and cleaned myself up before going back to bed. With a smile on my face, I knew that we could be something. I went to sleep and anticipated Wednesday’s class because I would be seeing that beautiful, shy smile of hers.

~~~

The day of our class, I was kind of nervous to see Leila. I took my seat next to where she would normally sit, but Fernando came in a bit later and took that seat. Then a minute later, Melissa walked in and Leila was right behind her. Melissa took a seat right next to Fernando and I had an empty seat to my other side, but Leila didn’t take it. She took the seat right next to Melissa, at the end of the row. Her eyes were swollen and looked completely sad. I thought that by making eye contact, I could somehow send her a message saying everything would be okay. She refused to look at me and I suddenly felt guilty.

So many things were running through my head. Did she not want this? Did I hurt her? Was it her first time? No, no. She enjoyed it. We both did. I know we were drunk, but I could still recall every emotion I felt. I know we had something special. I was going to ask Melissa if we could switch spots, but that’s when class began. For now, I just had to remain calm until after class.

~~~

After class, I caught up to Leila. She was walking fast and she was in a rush to get away. She even left her backpack unzipped, which gave me a perfect opportunity to talk to her. When she felt someone zip up her backpack, she turned around and jumped when she saw me.

“Clapton,” she cracked.

“Your backpack was open,” I began.

“Thanks.” She began to walk away, but I grabbed her by the elbow and spun her around.

“Leila, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you over the last few days and you haven’t responded. Can we talk?”

She looked uncertain but we sat on a bench outside the building. I could practically feel the nerves radiating off her and the tension was so thick between us. She moved her leg up and down and I placed a hand over it to make her stop.

“Leila, I want to know if we’re okay,” I began.

“We did what we did and we can’t go back,” she said as she twiddled with her fingers.

“I know, and I wanted to ask you if you felt something,” I wondered.

“Clapton, I remember bits and parts of it. I wanted to remember everything, but you saw a side of me that no one has seen. I don’t like getting drunk and I don’t know what came over me to keep on drinking that night. I was scared and I was afraid that you would wake up and say it was a mistake.”

Her last line broke me and I held her hands in mine. She was starting to tear up and I felt like I was hit by a car.

“No, no Leila. Don’t think that. I know I was drunk and like you, I can remember some parts. But don’t you dare think that I would say it’s a mistake. I enjoyed myself very much and I haven’t felt that connection with anyone else,” I explained and wiped her tears with the pads of my thumb.

“How can you expect me to believe that? Ever since you joined that fraternity, you were practically screwing a girl every other weekend. So don’t use the ‘it was the most amazing thing ever’ line on me when you probably told that to every single one of them,” she snapped and moved my hands away from her face.

“Leila, how could you…no, it’s different with you, I swear!”

She shook her head and placed a hand on her chest.

“Whatever it was that you felt, it needs to stop. You don’t care for me deep down. You just feel obligated to feel something because we had sex. We can’t be anything if you can’t sort out your feelings. Just…let it go. I’m sorry…we can’t be anything.”

Before I could call out for her, she got up and began to run towards the student parking lot. I was going to go after her, but my professor from my next class stopped me. I couldn’t get out of the conversation that he wanted to engage in, so I listened attentively and then had to go to class.

I refused to go down without a fight. After that class, I called and left her a voicemail, hoping she would hear it. I don’t know what the following week would bring us, but I hoped that it would make her stop and think about my true feelings for her.

~~~

I stood in line playing with the tassel on my cap. We all had to be lined up by our majors because we were going to sit in a designated section. I searched for Leila, and I found her, but my frat brothers who were majoring in the same subject, wanted all of us to sit together. A whole month after we hooked up went by, and she couldn’t even look at me in the eye during class.

When I caught a glimpse of Leila, she looked absolutely stunning. Her hair was curled and she did her best to smile, however, she looked a little pale and I wondered if she was okay. I felt like my heart made a new crack every time I saw her, but it seemed like hers was completely shattered. She was standing with Melissa and a few other friends, all taking pictures with cameras and phones that they all sneaked in. Leila caught me looking at her and her smile dropped, a certain kind of sadness dancing in her eyes. Did she feel ashamed? Was she regretting our moment together? I knew I didn’t.

All the graduates were now told to line up, zip up our gowns, and put our caps on. Once the music began, the graduates began to walk into the stadium. The crowd went wild and flashes began to go off when we all walked in. To my surprise, when we got to the psychology section, Leila was sitting a seat away from me. She was looking around, trying to spot her family in the crowd. Melissa was sitting next to her and when she caught me looking at Leila, she shook her head in disapproval. I had no idea what was going on, but I felt like it was something bad because my stomach did a flip.

Throughout our commencement, I couldn’t even pay attention. We had Suzanne Collins as our speaker, everyone was attentive and I couldn’t concentrate. I would glance over at Leila and she was paying attention, smiling and laughing when Suzanne said something funny. Then when Suzanne finished, she quoted The Hunger Games and gave us the three finger salute. Leila, Melissa, and the other graduates who got the reference, saluted back and clapped. After a few more speeches, it was time for us to walk across the stage. Leila was ahead of me and I tried to convince Melissa for me to stand behind her, but she said no. When was she going to talk to me? I needed something from her now.

Leila walked up the steps to the stage and when they called her name, Melissa, Fernando, and I cheered loudly for her. She shook the Dean’s hand and made her way towards the stairs at the center of the stage. She looked happy, but for some reason, I felt like her smile didn’t exactly meet with the emotions inside. Then it was my turn to walk and of course, all my frat brothers cheered my name and held up the hand sign of the fraternity. As I walked back to my seat, Leila was politely clapping but didn’t look at me. It really hurt, now I felt like the biggest jerk ever and I didn’t even know what I did wrong.

The ceremony was long because we went through all the majors. I was itching to talk to her, but then it was time to turn the tassels. After everyone threw their cap in the air and cheered, it all felt like a tsunami. Everyone began to walk in different directions and you couldn’t find a way out. As I walked out to the side, I found Leila leaving with Melissa to meet up with their families. I was about to go after her, but my parents caught me.

“Oh, I can’t believe that my baby boy did it!” my mom shrieked as she placed a lei over me. She threw her arms around my neck and cried.

“Mom, please. It’s all good,” I soothed.

“You know Clapton, I’m really proud of you. I’m glad you decided to make something out of yourself,” my dad proudly said.

“Umm, thanks. Can you guys wait here for a few minutes? I need to go and find someone.”

Before they can protest, I walked out, and began to search for Leila. It was hard to pin point her in a sea of black  caps and gowns. I found Melissa and I assumed she was around somewhere. I looked and looked and I finally found her. A male figure who I’m assuming was her brother, hugged her tightly and held her cap for her. Next an elderly couple hugged her and congratulated her, taking pictures of their graduate. They were all so happy, and I felt guilty that I was going to interrupt her. I met her grandmother’s eyes and they were an exact replica of Leila’s- a bright green- like the color of my friendship bracelets that I used to wear in high school.

She murmured something to Leila and she turned around to look at me. Her smile faded and she looked paler than earlier. I really wished I could read what was going through her mind at that exact moment. I took a step forward and smiled at her family.

“Hey, Leila,” I said shyly.

“Clapton, hi,” she replied. I could hear how slightly nervous she was.

“Can I have a word with you?”

She nodded and we walked a bit farther than she wanted, but it didn’t matter. We needed to talk without people around us listening in.

“Leila, we need to talk,” I began.

“We have nothing to talk about. What’s done is done,” she said.

She wasn’t meeting my gaze, so I had to lift her chin up. I couldn’t resist her anymore and leaned down to kiss her soft lips. Leila didn’t hesitate and it brought back memories of that one hazy night. When we broke away, her bright green eyes searched my hazel ones. She was at a loss for words and it suddenly got awkward.

“Leila….didn’t you feel anything? I did,” I said, trying to keep my emotions at bay.

“I did, but Clapton…oh god I already told you. I don’t know if we can continue this,” she exasperated as she ran her fingers through her chocolate, brown hair.

“What do you mean? Did our night together mean nothing to you?” I questioned her.

“Clapton, we were both drunk! I remember bits and parts of it. I missed out on whatever emotions I was supposed to feel when it happens!” Her eyes began water and I suddenly felt bad.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I just…I want to start something with you. I really like you,” I explained.

“You say that now, but you’re not going to now or ever,” she quivered and wiped the tears on the back of her hand.

“Why? Why would you say that?”

“Because Clapton, I….I…,” she trailed.

“You’re what, Leila?”

She took in a deep breath as tears welled up in her eyes once more.

“I think I’m pregnant.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Leila**

The look of shock plastered on Clapton’s face was something I knew I would never forget. I was actually scared of telling him the truth about my possible pregnancy, but I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I was two weeks late and I knew something was off. I took four tests and they all came back positive, however, I knew that my doctor’s appointment the following week would confirm everything. I was in denial. I fucked it all up for us. We aren’t supposed to have a kid this early. Hell, we weren’t even anything to begin with.

“Y-you’re…pregnant?” he asked in disbelief.

“I think so,” I said and looked down.

“You think so? So you’re not positive?”

“I took a couple of tests at home, but I’m going to see my doctor to confirm it.”

There was an awkward silence between us and I was biting the inside of my cheek.

“Are you going to keep it?” he wondered.

My mouth dropped and I took it offensively. “Of course I’m going to keep it, Clapton! I’m not that cruel to give it up. If you don’t want in on any of this, speak now or just forget about me.”

He was silent on his end, and even though I was hopeful that he would say he’d be there for me, I had a feeling that I wouldn’t be able to count on him. I began to walk away, but he caught me by the elbow.

“Can we talk? Like tomorrow or something?” he wondered.

I thought about meeting him at a park or somewhere calm to talk about this. I was risking it all, but I really hoped that I wouldn’t regret this.

“I’ll text you where we can meet.”

With that, he let go of me and watched me walk away. I had to wipe the look of shock on my face because I didn’t want my family to worry. It wasn’t going to be easy telling my poor grandparents that I was probably knocked up, but the truth was going to be coming out sooner than later.

~~~

My fingers were knotted on my lap when I saw Clapton’s car pull up into the parking lot of the park near my house. A week after our graduation has gone by and I have avoided him since. Even after all this time, seeing him still gave me butterflies. When he saw me, he smiled, but it quickly faded when I didn’t return it. I held the envelope in my hand and handed it to him. He cautiously opened the letter and began to read it.

“It’s positive,” he said blankly.  

“My doctor called me for the results. I have my appointment with the gynecologist on Thursday,” I finally said as I sat down on the picnic bench.

“But…I pulled out. How di-,” he began but I interrupted him.

“I know you did. God we were so drunk, you wore a condom, right?”

He nodded slowly and thought back to that one night. Everything was a blur and panic began to settle in.

“You probably didn’t put it on correctly or it had a tear,” I murmured.

The color in Clapton’s face drained and mouth dropped slightly. That was it- the condom wasn’t used correctly. Tears began to well up in my eyes as the sudden realization dawned over me. We were too young to raise and support a child.

“Leila, I’ll be there to support you. We’re in this together and I promise I won’t leave your side,” he said while reaching out to hold my hands in his.

“You know, I always wanted to have a family of my own. It’s all happening so fast. I at least thought I’d be married by then, and I’m not,” I cried.

“Give me a chance, please,” he insisted.  

“Why? Because you feel bad? Because one night made you realize that you liked me? I liked you, Clapton. I really did. It just hurts how this is all happening so fast and we’re not anything. We barely know each other,” I cried.

“But, Leila, I can change. I want to be with you. All I ask is for you to open up to me. Please,” he begged with his shiny, hazel eyes.

I removed my hands from his, despite how much it hurt me. All of this was coming by so fast and I didn’t know what to do.

“Clapton, I need to think about this. So much has been going on and I need a breather.”

He nodded and I left him there, looking defeated and heartbroken. I walked back to the house, which wasn’t even that far from the park. I had to put on a fake smile for my grandparents and act like everything was alright.

~~~

“Okay, have a seat and we’ll call you right in,” the receptionist said softly.

I nodded and then took a seat next to Clapton. It was nice that he wanted to come along for the gynecologist appointment, but he didn’t need to. His right leg would bounce up and down while he looked around the room. Magazines on parenting were placed either on the side tables next to the row of chairs or on the center table. The TV was on the news and reporting about how there was an accident on a random road. Both of us were silent but at the same time, anxious. I had my hands on top of my bag and he reached for one.

“Are you scared?” he asked me. His voice sounded like he was trying to hold back on his nerves.

“Yeah,” I said as I tried my best not to cry. My hands were so cold and feeling his warm touch made me feel somewhat better.

“I feel like I screwed up my life, you know? Fresh out of school and already expecting,” I admitted.

“Leila, you didn’t. We’ll get through this. I promise that everything will be okay. Do you want me to go in with you?” he asked.

“Leila?” the nurse called out.

I looked at him and got up, holding my hand out for his and he took it.

“Is it alright if he can come in?” I asked her and she nodded.

She led me to the back of the hallway to take my height and weight. Once she wrote that down, she then took me to the exam room and took my blood pressure. She asked me the typical questions regarding my results, my health, any concerns, and how the first appointment goes. She gave me a gown and then left because the technician was going to come in and do the ultrasounds.

I felt a little embarrassed to undress in front of Clapton, but he wouldn’t look at me and would fold my clothes when I handed them to him. A couple of minutes later, the technician came in and she was super friendly. She did her best to make me feel comfortable and explained to us the ultrasounds that she was going to do. The first one was intimidating, especially when she was sticking something up my womanhood. I did my best to relax, and closing my eyes throughout the whole thing helped. It was a good thing Clapton leaned over to hold my hand.

“Everything is looking good, Leila. Now you are going to hear the heartbeat. Ready?” she asked.

I nodded and covered my lower half before prepping for the next test.

“Okay, this is going to be a little cold,” she warned me as placed a gel like substance over the lower part of my stomach. On the screen, I couldn’t make out much, but the sounds that came out made my heart melt.

The thumping sound made all my worries disappear. I was so preoccupied with everything, how I had to readjust my life for the new life in me. Now all that mattered was my little peanut growing inside me. The technician moved the transducer around and studied the monitor.

“Well, the baby’s heartbeat sounds good to me. It’s the sound that parents love to hear,” she explained with a smile. “See this little open space? That’s where the baby will continue to grow.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Clapton questioned.

“We usually find out the sex a couple of months from now since it’s too early to tell. So far the baby is healthy, but we check every month to see the development. Congratulations you two!”

Clapton held my hand and I wiped away a tear away with my free one. So much frustration and troubles completely vanished when I saw the little space where the baby was. I had to work harder for it more than ever. I was going to love this baby with everything I had, just like how my parents loved me.

He squeezed my hand and kissed the back of it while the ultrasound pictures were printed out for us. I felt like my skin got warm around that area and although it was comforting, I couldn’t let him do this right now. Once she left, we waited a bit for the doctor. She went more in depth about my medical history, when my last period was, and the last time I had an examination. It was kind of weird for me to answer everything in front of Clapton, but he was there and didn’t look awkward or disgusted when talking about the female anatomy.

“Okay, let’s see here. You’re about a month and two weeks in. Your due date could be around the end of January. It all depends on your body and you could either give birth a week before or after. From now on, do not stress your body, okay? Any other questions?”

We both shook our heads and she congratulated us before walking out. Then when I finished getting dressed, another nurse came in to instruct us on prenatal care. It was a lot to take in and she gave me paperwork on everything I needed to do in order to have a healthy pregnancy.  

We made our next appointment before heading down to our own cars. It was quiet on the way out and all I could do was look at the pictures.

“I can’t believe we created such a tiny peanut,” he chuckled.

Something in me made me very emotional about all of this. I placed my hand on my stomach, trying to wrap around my head that it was there and there was no turning back. Before I could get into my car, Clapton stopped me and looked down at his feet.

“Do your grandparents know?” he wondered.

“No, they don’t suspect anything either. I’m just so scared, Clapton. I don’t know how they’ll handle this,” I said as I held back a whimper.

“I can go with you now. We can tell them together and maybe then they won’t be so harsh on you,” he offered.

“Clapton, they’re going to question what the hell we were doing. As far as they know, I didn’t have a boyfriend. It’s going to be weird for them, you know? I don’t want to disappoint them- they’re like my parents.”

My bottom lip began to quiver and I hid my face in my hands. I let them down, I let my brother down. Here I was supposed to be his role model, and I felt like I fucked it all up.

“Hey, shhh baby, it’s going to be okay. We’ll talk to them in a calmly manner and explain our plans. You’re not alone in this. I’ll be there for you every step of the way. My feelings haven’t changed for you at all. Maybe then you’ll give me a chance and see how much I truly care for you.”

His words made me soften a bit and possibly think about our future with our baby. I looked into his eyes and saw the swirls of colors that were captivating me that very moment. He leaned in to give me a kiss and I didn’t stop him. We haven’t done this since our graduation and he still gave me butterflies, no matter how many times I dismissed it.

“Give me a chance,” he pleaded once more.

I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn’t want to push him away, but I was so scared to see what could become of us.

“Give me more time, Clapton. Please.”

He sighed and leaned his forehead against mine. I could feel the sense of disappointment in him, but he understood and respected my decision.

“Do you promise?” He sounded hopeful.

“Promise.”

~~~

“I-I’m home!” I stuttered as I walked in the house. Clapton was right behind me and he closed the door.

“We’re in the kitchen!” my grandmother replied.

Clapton gave me one last look and we stepped in to the kitchen. My grandmother placed a sandwich in front of my grandfather, who was reading something on his phone. They both looked up at us and smiled.

“Leila, you should’ve told me that you were going to have a friend over. Please, have a seat you two,” she insisted as she got up to make sandwiches.

“Take a seat, I need to help her,” I whispered to Clapton. I watched him take a seat next to my grandfather and sure enough, he charmed him and they were doing small talk as I prepared our sandwiches. I handed Clapton his plate and he cleared his voice.

“Umm, grandma, grandpa, this is Clapton. He’s umm, a friend of mine from school,” I began.

“Just a friend?” my grandmother teased.

“Well…it’s complicated. We recently began to talk this semester and got somewhat close.”

I looked at Clapton and I could tell that he was just as nervous as I was. He bit down on his lower lip and then looked down at his lap. I had to suck it up and continue, even though I was adding things to avoid diving head first into the announcement.

“Clapton was in a fraternity at school and I went to one of their parties back in April. It was that weekend when Melissa tried to visit me, remember?” They both nodded their heads and bless their souls, they still had no idea where this was going.

“We….we…,” I stuttered and Clapton placed a hand over mine.

“Leila is pregnant, and I’m the father,” he said abruptly.

The silence was killing me and I could see the look of disappointment in their faces. I knew it; I knew this would break their hearts.

“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed and hid my face in my hands.

“Sweetie, we’re just a little shocked. I thought you would wait for another couple of years,” my grandmother said.

“I know, but it happened. I wasn’t feeling good when it got close to finals and I felt off. All the tests came out positive and I thought they were false alarms. The doctor confirmed it.”

Everyone at the table was silent and it was killing me. I felt like the worst was yet to come and I didn’t prepare a plan B.

“If you don’t want me in this house, I understand,” I spoke up.

“Leila, we don’t want you to go. We’re just taken by surprise. It’s going to be tough, but we’ll support you in what you want to do. And you, Clapton, you’re going to have to support Leila all the way. I don’t know what the future holds for you two, but I don’t want to see my little girl shed one tear over you if you mess this up,” my grandfather warned him.

“Yes, sir. I promise to be there every step of the way,” Clapton promised.

“You better.”

“Everything will be okay,” my grandmother soothed as she hugged me. Her words at that moment meant everything to me.

After a minute or so, my grandparents asked Clapton questions and began to converse with him. Slowly but surely, I saw how much they were starting to like him. I felt relief being lifted off my shoulders when they said they would support me. They’ve done so much for me already, but I still felt like I let them down in some way. I placed my hands on my stomach and rubbed in small, circular motions. I was listening in on Clapton’s conversation and he had such a way with words.

Maybe I should give him a chance. It may have been too soon to accept his offer, but I was willing to give it a try.


End file.
